Early Morning

I got to sleep in a little...okay that's a lie, if 15 minutes is extra time then I got it in!! Saw my daughter off and sat on the couch. Across from me Chewie sleeps in a blanket and upstairs rests my husband. All I hear is the occasional bird outside and my neighbors AC unit running. Now my own has just kicked on. 

Not really sure why I'm writing this, think its more free writing, just going with the flow. Enjoying the solitude, the slight quietness that exist right now. Just breathing and listening. Just thought if I were a serious coffee drinker this would be the prefect setting. 

I don't sit too often or just can't sit still, probably a little bit of both. But once in a while, I have moments where I just relax, my mind quiets, my body eases, and my soul just takes it all in. I have a moment to reflect on my life, the blessings both good and bad. I think about my family, friends, clients, and I smile. I take the time to think about where I am and where I am going. 

Writing this I think I have found myself at a crossroad and not sure what to do. Some would say I was crazy to say no, while others would say I get it. Hell, that is the conversation going on in my own head. I haven't found the answer, and even after seeking the advice of others, I am still confused. This silence gave me a brief break from the churning in my head, but the reality is, I have to make a decision. Do I stay, where it is familiar and easy, but distant; or do I go into the unknown, monetary, and still distant? It seems an easy answer looking at it but the effect it will have either way is both positive and negative.

This is life.  Earlier, I asked myself what are the things that I am willing to sell my soul for. Strange question, I know, but it does put things in perspective in what I want in my life. To be a good mother, wife, worker, friend, daughter, so on and so on; the things I consider if I had to sell my soul, if I view it as worth it then it stays in my life. If not then, I must let it go. Not sure if I explained that well, but I get it. 

Things have gone quiet again and all I hear is my breathing, iPad keys, my finger hitting the screen, a bird chirping. The sun is shining in and I know I must get my day started. It's so easy to want to hide from things, not to take a chance, not to make the hard decisions, but in the end it has to be made!!  I still think I will take a quick moment...

Heading back to the birds outside, the silence, need another break from thinking!!

Young Lady

This summer I have spent so much time with my daughter. We have talked about friendship, dating, sex, drug use, alcohol use, parenting, fashion, wow and so many things. I have to make sure she is ready for the trials and tribulations called high school and what will send me to jail for a few felonies if she does them (like what i will do to her and others, 😩😳😁)!! I love sharing my stories of awkwardness, sports, and discovering who I am. She shares with me about what she wants to be!

We have shopped and traveled, and I have just had such a wonderful summer with her.  We have done makeovers and my baby girl has given me plenty of fashion tips (clothes, makeup, shoes and so in). In the gym I was able to show that this lady here can handle herself!! She showed me she is faster than me, but always ran back to check on me!!

So today, just a few days before she enters a new chapter I am just staring at her. Watching her grow and change over the many years we have been together in life! I remember her milestones; her dancing in my mother's living room, snuggling under her father's chin as she slept, always looking for me to comfort her in her moments of fear. Gone are the pigtails, chubby cheeks and cartoon shirts. The toys and dolls have long been put away. Now there are shoes, clothes, accessories; these are her new toys. I am looking at a little lady. 

I walked behind her the other day, in the halls of her high school. I realized my baby girl is now my little lady. She was ahead of me, and it hit me baby girl will one day be gone.

Today I watched her getting her make up done for an Autism Awareness Fundraiser. I just saw this woman appear in front of me, she smiled and for a moment I saw my little girl peek through. 

I saw the toddler carefully taking steps, crawling on the floor, babbling, laughing, then themoments quickly change to her in the chair having make up applied.  She is becoming such an amazing, beautiful, caring, talented, smart young lady. I am so proud of who she is and who she is becoming.

I am sitting, as we prepare to get our hair done, just remembering the first time she sat in that chair 9 years ago. Remembering she was preparing for kindergarten. Now we are in the last leg of this youthful half of the journey, and it is a bittersweet one. She always says she is never leaving me, but I told her she will and has to, so that she can grow!

Baby girl remains my inspiration, my heart, my love! I see her twinkle in her bright eyes, and the child like smile may fade into a woman's smile, but she will always be my baby!

But with a smile on my face she will always be my Baby Girl!