This has been one rough half of a year. I have lost two Uncles in two months time. I have struggle financially this year. I saw so many things going wrong even when trying to do right. Yet this is a part of life. How wonderful it would be if we, I could always have things perfect but honestly, I, we would have no appreciation.
Uncle James was so family oriented, he had a way of always making you feel special, that some how in that moment with him you were the most important person in his life. I will always appreciate that quality in him. Uncle Clifford, when I was younger, I felt he was an a***ole, but in my adult life I began to enjoy his humor and get to know him. He and I shared many laughs. He could appreciate my sick sense of humor! And if you knew Clifford, his Woody Woodpecker laugh was memorable and made life even funnier! They are great losses no matter how anyone else may feel about them.
(Clifford love letting my daughter pull his hair)
(My Father and Uncle James)
I am learning that death brings out the very best and the very worst in people. For instance with both deaths, I have witnessed totally different responses. Yet, is it our place to take away any ones mourning due to our own feelings? Is it rights to speak ill of the dead, if those around have chosen not to? Who knows, can we martyr someone who has not really done anything to earn such accolades? Again, I have no answer. I guess as individuals we must make that decision ourselves. I am of the opinion, that if you have negative feelings, don't go to someone who has positive memories and attempt to take their feelings away. We are all allowed our own feelings, do not force your negativity on others. (Okay I have gone off, I am back on track now!!)
Yet having lost these two men, I have taken the time to reflect on my own life. Where I am, where I am going, what I want in and out of my life. I realized that in my teens I lived for everyone else, in my 20's I went selfish and lived for me, in my 30's I am trying to develop a healthy balance. I actually had to shut down for a few weeks to get my head right, to mourn, to heal. I am usually against this and often encourage others to reach out but I had to do some introspection. I know that I am slightly different now, but I also feel stronger.
I will truly miss the physical life of James and Clifford, yet I will always have them with me in one way or another. I will celebrate and honor their lives by living. I will take a piece of them and open my own life up so that I can be the best me I can be. I see the light at the tunnel of my current journey and I also recognize there will be several more to come in this life time. I am appreciative to have them because without them, I would not honor my own growth and change through out this lifetime.
I have no idea where or what life has in store for me but I keep pushing through. I have survived so much that each challenge is a reminder of my survival and that I will get through it again. No matter what life brings. One can not avoid challenges (problems, issues), but one can decide how they will face those challenges.
I have no idea what is next, but I am ready!!!
(me with my heart)
