Friendship

What makes for a good friend?  I mean I feel as if I am a good friend but I know I also have my faults. I have watched so many friends past through my life. It can be due to betrayal (theirs and my own), just losing touch, them holding a grudge against me for not picking sides,  distance, life, so many reasons.  Then I look at what I expect from a friend, now I sit and wonder am I the friend I demand those in my life to be?  Am I always present for them as I ask them to be for me?  Am I a fair-weather friend, or do I sacrifice. I’d like to think I am a great friend and there no matter what. 

Friendship according to Wikipedia is:

Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• Mutual understanding and compassion
• Trust in one another (able to express feelings - including in relation to the other's actions - without the fear of being judged); able to go to each other for emotional support
• Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties.

So are we these things to one another as friends.  It is amazing that so much research has gone into this topic.  According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985. The study states 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two.

According to the study:

• Americans' dependence on family as a safety net went up from 57% to 80%
• Americans' dependence on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%
• Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression

The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance overall well-being. Studies support that having strong social supports improve a woman's prediction for good health and longevity while, loneliness and lack of social supports are linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer as well as higher mortality rates.

Even though we are busy in our day and age, it is important to maintain our social connections.  Your social circle can keep you grounded, while letting you grow.  Even though it is easy to text, email, or facebook a friend, a call, a handwritten letter, and visit can mean so much more and can do amazing things to both you and the recipient of your friendship. 

So the next time you are considering your friendships or whether you even need a friend, hope you recognize that friendship is healthy to the mind and body.  So be sure that you attract good friends while being a good friend. 

Elders: Letting Go

In my life, I have had to let so many people go. This loss has been to time, death, hardships betrayals, moving, or life occurring. It is funny that as I write this, after the passing of my favorite Uncle, that my own mortality is very present and those who have been a part of my whole life, I see will not always be there.  It is strange that as I age, death seems closer at hand. I, as many others, are watching our Elders pass and we will soon replace them as the Elders of our community. That those who have guided me and raised me all of my life will cease to be a part of this lifetime for me.  

So as a up and coming elder, what is it that I want to pass on to the youth?  What is it that I want to work on that I can share with those younger than I?   What kind of leader do I hope to be?  I mean those in my life have truly planted deep rooted seeds of life, love, experience, heritage, so how can I continue to share the story of my ancestors? 

What happens, when my end in this lifetime comes, what is the story that others will share about me?  Thinking of my Uncle and what he has left me, I know that greatness runs in my blood.  My cousin Ericka and I have often said we are Plater Women, we can do anything. I now feel that saying, I really know that I can do anything, and that I am the only person that can stop me.  

I am also learning the importance of family. I will make time to do other things, but must make time for those whose blood I share. Now this does not mean blood relative. I have family members that I know their blood is of my own, even if we are in no way related. They just feel close to me, I refer to them as my soul family because it goes deeper then blood. 

I am letting go of many things, I am releasing so many things, I have said goodbye to things, and see you later to others.  So as I get up, brush the dust off.  I raise my head high and...

I take my place as an Elder!